The Struggle

Well it's about time I get back into blogging...my goodness....

between Jojo and Bellamy, my Etsy shop, and just life in general we have been super busy!

I have been feeling something weighing heavy on my heart lately and usually when that's the case blogging about it helps me work through my feelings and emotions about it.

So here goes...

I am really struggling with parenting right now.

Jojo is 4 and Bellamy is 3 going on 10.

At this point in their lives they are so impressionable and soak up everything you say, everything they hear, and everything they see.

They are growing into their personalities and developing into who they are,

Which is absolutely one of the amazing parts of parenting that is so wonderful to watch and experience.

I know what you're thinking though...they are only 3 and 4.

True, but I see parts of them that are developing already that if aren't met with the proper guidance could go terribly south.

This is where I am struggling the most.

I'm struggling with finding the balance between allowing them to experience and do things, but within boundaries.

I'm struggling to find the balance between cuddling and loving on them, but not baby them.

I'm struggling to find balance between letting them work out their quarrels with each other and when to step in. 

Lately I feel like more days than not I've been a referee all day constantly having to squash out sibling fires or redirect behavior.

I obviously know that that is my job as a parent, but it gets me thinking on those tough days if i'm doing enough to prepare them to be good kids. 

I wonder if I'm doing enough to teach them how to be wonderful, gracious, grateful, funny, happy, and loving human beings.

In a few weeks our lives will be changing a bit.

Jojo will be starting preschool. 

My heart is aching at the thought. 

But...my heart also knows that it will be the best thing for him.

It will allow him to grow, change, and learn from other kids and other trusting adults.

It will allow him to feel safe outside of the comfy nest we've created for him.

It's what he needs. 

This will give Bellamy and I one on one time, which is exactly what she needs. 

Which is...i think...exactly what I'll need.

This season of life that we are in is one I know I will miss when it's gone. In 5 or 10 years I'll probably wish that it was only a simple sibling squabble that I had to break up.

So I am choosing to enjoy the little things.

For someday I will realize they were the big things.