Searching

I was listening to the City and Colour Pandora station (yes, I still LOVE Pandora) the other day and their song "Paradise" came on.

I couldn't believe how much the lyrics of that song totally hit home with how I've been feeling lately.

The main chorus says:

"I'm searching for a paradise that I just can't seem to find."

I have always been my own worst critic and on some days that little voice in my head can make me feel pretty down.

That voice is especially louder on days when one or both of the kids don't take a nap and I get absolutely nothing done around the house.

Or when I can't find the time to be creative and add new things to my Etsy shop.

Or when I look around my house and want more for the overall aesthetics and I just can seem to find inspiration.

Or when I fall in to my routine of the boring and predictable dinners I always make.

Or when the laundry starts to pile up.

Or when all my energy is gone at the end of the day and there is nothing left of me emotionally to give to Joey who has been working so hard all day.
Or those afternoons right around 3 when I choose to eat a bowl of ice cream instead of something healthy.

Or those days when my patience runs thin with the kids.

The list can go on and on. 

Being able to keep up with all of these things is the paradise that I am searching for, but I just can't seem to find it.

After listening to that song though, it made me realize that instead of SEARCHING for a paradise, I need to find the paradise in this season of life where I have two little ones and not enough time or hands to get everything done everyday.

I know that as soon as this season of life is over I am going to miss it with every inch of me. I will wish for those days when I got nothing done because one of kids wanted to cuddle instead of nap or when the kids were playing right up until it was bed time and I just didn't have any energy left to clean up my little tornado's messes until the next day.

Instead of feeling down about the stuff I am not doing...it's time to start seeing the paradise in what I am doing.

COURAGE is my word for 2015.
For me it takes a lot of courage to dig deep and change my perspective on myself.
Heck, it's taking a lot of courage for me to write and publish this post actually, but maybe, just maybe someone else might feel the same way and see that they aren't alone in these thoughts. I hope that my realization can help them see that they need to look at what they are doing instead of what they're not.

Ultimately...It's about always working on kicking that negative self talk out the window and giving yourself more credit.

Here are some fun things we've been up to recently :) These babies make my world go round.